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in my head

by eillah

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1.
omw 01:28
i want you to know that i have hope in you i cant stick around i have too much to do i want you to know that you'll be fine so many things that you will find i’ll always be here somehow i used to read you but i can't now tell me how you feel please just be real i want you to know, oh
2.
fwiw 03:40
i don't wanna fall in love but i don't wanna be alone afraid of what's to come but what it is that i'm so afraid of? you can hold my hand no not like that, please go don't know how to feel i think it's real but how would i know move over i die each time you say my name come closer it's not your fault i take the blame and for what it's worth this back and forth ain't worth it detach yourself from me just leave, sorry that i couldn't be perfect come closer but i don't want to cause you pain move over can't put you through all this again how will i know if i never try? i'm just scared i'll run out of time and that you'll leave without saying why i'll prepare myself to never call you mine
3.
wbu 02:57
i've been thinking way too much about the things that shouldn't stay as long as you are by my side promise you won't go away toujours dans la nuit je pense beaucoup de toi je dormirai seulement si tu m'atteins, ouais je ne fermerai pas mes yeux ta voix est tout ce que je veux entendre dans la nuit je pense beaucoup, et toi? i've been thinking way too much about the things that shouldn't stay as long as you are by my side promise you won't go away toujours dans la nuit je pense beaucoup de toi je dormirai seulement si tu m'atteins, ouais je ne fermerai pas mes yeux ta voix est tout ce que je veux entendre je ne vais pas dormir avant de voir le soleil
4.
imh 03:51
in my head i lost touch with reality am i dead? oh no, i think they're afraid of me how long am i gonna feel this way? (passed out on my bedroom floor) hey mom, do you think i'll be okay? (can't feel my hands anymore) if it's the last night for me hold both my hands tight as i go in peace cause i'm convinced i have reached my end (all these headlights blinding me) i'm done, i quit a white flag turned to red (why is all this happening?) 6am still haven’t been to sleep 7 hours trapped inside this dream roll my window down and feel the breeze then i feel a light fall over me (could it be?) finally i am free day by day don't fear it's not my time yet i will stay right here and find peace in my head
5.
brb 03:47
6.
gn 03:20
no point in believing things that you can’t see or am I out of my own mind? could you just tell me that it's not meant to be instead of wasting both our time i wanted to be the air that you breathe but now i have lost your gaze so much for dreaming tried to believe that you wouldn't go away outside and out of place just in it for the chase brought me into your world because you were bored i hope i made it all worthwhile did i fill the void? or silence any noise? does the thought of me make you go wild? i know the answer both of my hands hurt carrying both of us please let her go the second you know that she's not the one you love was it my fault for trying? i knew you wouldn't say goodnight though the silence hurts the words you used were worse i'm glad i’ve learned my lesson now
7.
lmk 02:54
open up my window late at night trying to see what's beyond the light search for meaning, i should let it go maybe i'm just never supposed to know sometimes i feel so safe but it never seems to stay i carry so much weight but maybe, that will change could you please stay here right next to me until i learn how to fall asleep every night my fears fill up my head i just wish that i could catch my breath been a while since i've felt safe when will all this go away? i carry so much weight i don't think i can change if i become too much please let me know won't blame you if you decide to go
8.
gtg 04:02
once i had a dream you said you were in love with me but i woke up too soon how i want to be the brightest thing you’ve ever seen but you only see blue tried to take your pain away i guess it didn’t work bite my tongue so i don’t say three unrequited words let me know when you’re home safe and call me if it hurts do i make it worse? throw away all of my pride just to make sure you’re alright don’t know if i choose to care for me or care for you time will tell, i suppose guess we won't get to do all the things we said we'd do never even came close only ever meant to be the character in my dreams don't take it personally but i think it's best if i leave love won’t last you know? i’ll end this fast i got to go once more i'll listen to all those pretty songs you sent and think of you when i do
9.
mia 03:19
do not cause me harm i’m weaker than you think IV in my arm, i cannot speak over the sound of machines heart racing, inpatient i’ve lost all sense more medication, but at what expense? don’t try and reach me i can’t have company i’m missing in action i don’t want compassion or overreaction flat lines, fluorescent lights i’ve resigned, at least i tried
10.
irl 02:48
searching for ways to feel safe i’m in deep, recurringly no one can no one will save me twenty years down, how many more? i think i should open my eyes before i can’t it’s always been in front of me farsighted, i know i’m free but to what degree?

about

FROM MY HEART TO THE WORLD.

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released April 29, 2021

written/composed/performed by hallie newnam

track 1 produced by heylog
track 3 produced by boyblue
tracks 2, 4-10 produced by hallie newnam

mixed/mastered by heylog

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eillah Chicago, Illinois

from my heart to the world

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